He’s considered one of America’s sexiest men alive, not to mention one of the most intelligent. A classmate and friend of President Barack Obama, Hill Harper is an accomplished film actor, scholar and author. He wrote Letters to a Young Brother: MANifest your Destiny and Letters to a Young Sister: DeFINE Your Destiny. His most recent book, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, is the topic of discussion in many social circles and family gatherings all over the country.

I believe timing is everything. Weeks before I was aware of the book, the same question plagued my mind every day as I walked down the streets to and from my job, my internship and my neighborhood. Why can’t black men and women get together? What has happened within our community that I rarely see black couples where I frequent? Perhaps the fact that I don’t work and live in predominantly black areas of the city may be one reason. Nevertheless, I still see it as an issue, and as it turns out, I’m not the only one who feels this way.
This is one of the reasons Harper wrote this particular book. In fact, he explained that a number of reasons sparked his idea for it, one of which included a dinner party he hosted where he was around the company of beautiful and successful black men and women who both expressed they couldn’t find mates for themselves. Not just hook-up buddies, but true potential life partners.

Then, two sets of alarming statistics reached his desk. The first one stated that in 1966, 84 percent of African American children were reared in two-parent households. Forty years later in 2006 that number plummeted to 31 percent. The other stat reported 70 percent of black professional women are single.

“That’s how I knew I had to do something,” says Harper. “I’m not going to stand by silent and witness the destruction of the African American family and African American male and female relationships. That’s how the book was born. I didn’t even know the title was going to be ‘The Conversation’.”

Harper says most books are written for women, but this book is different. The “conversation” he says that black men and women must have is made of three components. He says the first conversation deals with one’s self.

“It’s taking an honest assessment and honest look in the mirror, and having a real honest conversation with you,” he explained.

The second conversation involves your partner or potential partner. “Be willing to be completely honest and not send your representative,” said Harper. “Be vulnerable, honest and have a real conversation.”

The third conversation is with your friendship circles, your family and your community. “I hope it sparks conversations within our community, but moreover I hope people get married because of my book,” he says. “I want to be very honest; my book pushes for partnership.”

But first and foremost, we as a community must attempt to get to the meat of the problem. One of the points Harper addresses in his book was one of the reasons black men and women can’t get together is because we don’t talk to each other. How many times have you seen in movies (and in real life) groups of young brothers and sisters discussing their problems in their same-sex cliques? At what point do individuals from these groups converse with each other?

“I want to get singles talking to each other; I want real results,” says Harper.

Another reason we as a community can’t get together is because we don’t like each other. Think about it: How many negative stereotypes do we have about each other? Whether we realize it or not, those stereotypes subconsciously affect how we see each other.

“We need to move on from the ‘he say/she say’ to making the ‘he say/she say’ positive about one another,” he adds.

Harper revealed that those stereotypes don’t faze him. “The intelligence, energy, beauty, charisma, soul, spirit, wanting to help and give, the depth of experience, the legacy, history, common and shared experiences, their world views—I could go on forever,” says Harper about his love for black women. “Black women are magnificent, brilliant, beautiful, sexy and just incredible.”